What I have learned with Dale Carnegie

This article was originally published at www.carolbento.com

I just finished reading Dale Carnegie's "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living", and was mesmerized by how wonderful the book is.

First of all, I don't know why, but this book got its place in my To-Read list for a while now even though I don't necessary remember how it got there in the first place. Also, out of pure ignorance, I had no idea how old this book was. It turns out its first edition dates from 1948!

What is truly interesting about this book is how timeless it is, and how precisely its addresses one of the topics that plagues us the most: worry, stress … you name it.

As members of such a fast-paced society, I think we all somehow get to a point where we are so overwhelmed with everything that surrounds us, that we eagerly try to keep up with all the stimuli we are bombarded with and, ultimately, try to be the hero and save the world.

From the real testimonials that Dale Carnegie presents in his book, we can acknowledge that, most of the time, the proportion that our worries take, can be a cheer product of our imagination. It can be the end result of trying to connect the dots over and over again, when there is no point in doing it.

Of course, there are moments in our lives that ignite real worries but, still in those cases, there is a way to stay focused and avoid the snowball effect that worry and fear tend to create.

In a nutshell, these are my take-away lessons from this book:

1. Whenever your head is spinning way too fast …

Take a step back, and think about the root cause of your stress or anxiety. Whenever feasible, apply Galen Litchfield’s technique and ask yourself 4 simple questions:

a. What am I worrying about?

b. What can I do about it?

c. Decide what to do about it.

d. When am I starting to do it?

2. Keep yourself busy

"The worried person must lose himself in action, lest be wither in despair." — In Part Three: How to break the Worry Habit Before It Breaks You, How to Crowd Worry Out of Your Mind.

3. Care about the things that really matter

Even though I am aware of it, sometimes I fail at keeping this in mind, and worry about or put too much of my energy on things that are long gone. Those little things that may happen throughout the day, that you think you are over them, but then come back around and bit you in the ear.

“Let’s not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember “Life is too short to be little.” — In Part Three: How to break the Worry Habit Before It Breaks You, Don't Let the Beetles Get You Down.

4. Don't trade Happiness for Worry

Although one might think that things can make us happy, we are the ones who make ourselves happy. Because you give meaning to the things and people around us. Happiness always comes from within.

“[.…] What Abraham Lincoln said is true, that «most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be». Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.”— In Part Four: Seven Ways to Cultivate a Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness, Eight Words That Can Transform Your Life.

5. Be grateful for the things you have in your life

6. Be good to others

“When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.” — In Part Four: Seven Ways to Cultivate a Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness, How to Cure Melancholy In Fourteen Days.

7. Don't pay too much attention to criticism

I realize that one should accept criticism with a pinch of salt. Mainly because there is well-intended, constructive criticism, and than there's the criticism that is only intended to let you down, and stick around like a stain in a white shirt. Instead of worrying right away, a good exercise is too step back, rationalize about situation, and determine which kind of criticism we are facing.

Then, move on.

“Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.” — In Part Six: How to Keep from Worrying About Criticism, Remember That No One Ever Kicks a Dead Dog.

In the midst of real-life testimonials Dale Carnegie's book is full of these precious, simple and, sometimes, life-changing, ideas. We may have stumbled upon them in other readings however, I always find a new meaning when revisiting them.

Thank you for reading.